1. Consume copious amounts of organic cocoa puffs
2. Yell at well-meaning husband
3. Assure toddler that "Mommy and Daddy were just being silly"
4. Ignore all phone calls, except for the one from afore-mentioned toddler's school, informing you of her apparent intestinal virus
5. Change copious amounts of stinky diapers
6. Wash hands with the frequency of a surgeon with OCD
7. Curse God, sex, and whoever happens to be standing within 50 feet
8. Lie awake at night pondering everything that could, and probably will, be wrong with fetus
9. Weep openly in grocery store when attack of sciatica leaves you breathless and temporarily paralyzed
10. Repeat to self: "Elephants are pregnant for two years. Elephants are pregnant for two years..."