Monday, August 8, 2011

Horrible thoughts I have in response to an innocuous but disturbingly frequent stranger-observation

  • "Thanks. She's smart, too! Quick, Syd, 9 x 6."
  • "Thank you! She's funny, too. Syd, tell 'em the one about the priest, the rabbi, and the goat."
  • "Yes, she is, but not as beautiful as her sister, who we keep in an oxygen-rich tank and feed only blueberries and sheep's milk. Really, you should see the other one."
  • "Wow, thank you so much! She was genetically engineered for optimum bone structure and flesh tone--we did a good job, huh?"
  • "You should see her routine with the scarves and flaming batons--it's really something."
  • "Yeah, but she's a real dud in the personality department. Oh well, guess you can't have it all."


Cade Roux said...

Get her to pull the troll face and tell them how much she hates you, and that you're breaking her brain.

Editor B said...

This made me laugh. The mind reels. Any comment made with a certain frequency is ripe for snappy replies. We should quantify that frequency and think of a name for it.

Here's another horrible response — "My real daughter is quite homely, I just hired this girl to make me feel better." Not so clever as yours, alas, but I wanted to play the game.

Fortunately this particular observation has not been a problem for me. The one I get is, "She looks just like you." To which I reply: "I guess I really am the daddy."

ALM said...

Whenever I get that comment about Emmeline, it's always followed by the question, "How'd she get blonde hair and blue eyes?" It's very difficult not to say something back like "switched at birth."