Monday, July 26, 2010

Why I Should Not Allow My Father to Transport Me To, or From, the Airport.

Dad: "So, honey, how are things going in New Or-leens these days?"
Me: "Fine! Great."
D: "All those houses getting put back up and everything?"
M: "Yep."
D: "Good. I'm so sick and tired of all these people whining and complaining about how the city needs this that and the other-"
M: "Well, the oil spill feels like the beginning of the end for the area, to be honest."
D: "What? You gotta be kidding me!"
M: "It's pretty bad, Dad."
D: "And here's where everyone needs to get their facts straight, honey. Did you even know that this same sort of thing happened in Mexico about ten years ago--you probably don't even know, because nobody ever wants to get their facts straight--and they got it all cleaned up, like it never even happened. Besides, there's no oil on the beaches, people are just getting all hysterical. Those liberals make everyone all worked up about stuff that isn't even happening."
M: "There's oil on the beaches, Dad. And in the swamps and in Lake Pontchartrain. You should come down and see it."
D: "You know what really gets me mad? That everyone* overreacts to this supposed 'disaster' and they shut down the oil wells and the drilling and that just makes me crazy. When are people going to wake up and realize that we cannot survive without oil? When are the people in New Or-leens going to wake up and realize that their whole economy is going to go down the tubes with the drilling stopped?" (snickering) "It's just unbelievable, man."
M: "I don't think the people of New Orleans passed the moratorium on drilling, Dad."
D: "Well, it's just a good thing you've got Danny Jindal for your governor."
M: "Bobby Jindal."
D: "Bobby Jindal is a good man, a man of the people, a good, conservative Christian man. If they would have let him do what he wanted to do when this whole thing started, you wouldn't have the mess you have right now. Uh-huh."
M: "Jindal is not a hero, Dad, trust me."
D: "Well, you probably don't have your facts straight. That's the problem these days. Nobody wants to hear the truth, nobody has the facts straight."

* In Dad-speak, "everyone" is code for "Barack Obama."